shutter attempts

As what had been said, there is a time for everything.

Looking back at High School and college, it seems that I had a lot of time to do everything. I write, I paint, I go camping with friends, civic actions and a lot more. How could have I done all of those? Why can I not do it now? My world has definitely evolved.

Painting is a catharsis. I love colors and stroking my paintbrush with it on an empty canvass. Time constrained me to do some free verses and my canvass remains colorless until now. To cope with my passion for colors and the changing time, I can still capture beauty. I do beauty with much less time, this time.

My Choco-Butter:Now Famous.

Greenery.


Kampai!



The Pinks.



Tired of Being Sorry.



I Bloom Because I Must.



Desperately Finding Nemo.


Workaholic VS Exhaustion.

Thank you, photography. More to come!

at war with freedom

You say you'll change the constitution
Well, you know
We all want to change your head
You tell me it's the institution
Well, you know
You better free you mind instead
-Revolution, The Beatles, August 1968

Long before I was born, people already fight for “freedom”. Many in the history books since grade school, we are required to read how a particular war came to be and how freedom is gained through violence. Yes, many have I studied and in my life, I too, had little wars to battle.

My dad is a big fan of war themed motion pictures - from men fighting in their g-strings and bow and arrows, bayonets and rotating M-16s. He is a Judo-Karate third Dan Black belter and a collector of hand guns. He would bring us to an open field and teach us – his girls – to fire one of his weapons. When we call home nowadays and asks for him, mom would say he could not be disturbed because he is still in meditation doing the Kata war dance. Perhaps, because of this, our house has three kinds of locks on the main door and other security devices installed. He said those measures are necessary so as to be always ready for any war at bay. If there’s fire inside and dad isn’t home, we sure would be toasted!

Yesterday there was a shoot out just a few steps from my apartment. My cousin who was there at the time took photos and posted it on Facebook a few minutes after it happened. There was a pool of blood on the road and I imagine walking by it on my way home later that night. The slain bodies of two hold-up gangmen laid there until after 9pm. Those robbers struggled for their freedom, but in a subdivision inhabitated by retired and inactive military officers, they got themselves voluntarily to the slaughterhouse. Good thing their bodies were taken right before my coming home time.

All these violence, for “FREEDOM”. It just so costly.

But what is freedom? Is it ultimate? Is it subjective? What does it breed? Chaos or peace? Is it theoretical? How practicable is it? These may be dormant questions, but when you begin to think about saving for your children’s future, it could be just as bothersome.

in the name of the law – freedom is a right
“No person shall be deprived of life, liberty, or property without due process of law, nor shall any person be denied the equal protection of the laws.” –The Philippine Constitution, Art.III (Bill of Rights), Sec. 1

How ironic it is that there is a law to ensure freedom and this was fought for – by the legislators who were hopeful about the changing times. I am glad that as a Filipino, I am encompassed by such.

In other countries, they too have their own lawful scope and view of freedom. When I travel to other places, I have to make sure that my moves are within the range of my right as a visitor in their land. Therefore, my so-called freedom shrinks the farther I get away from Philippine jurisdiction.

in the name of nature – freedom is survival
“You are my butterfly and refuse to set you free.”
-Shannon Hale

For its species to thrive, the butterfly’s metamorphosis has to be completed for it to be able to spread its wings to survive. Its wings gives it the capacity to get away from its predator, in as much as it gives it the freedom to choose where to go. In the animal kingdom where we all live, we could not discount ourselves that we need freedom to be able to flourish.

Naturally, we are born to struggle and fight for that freedom. Along the way, we have to kill and flee from predators to secure ourselves.

in the name of love – freedom is slavery
“Man has the urge to seek a source of authority and control upon reaching a freedom that was thought to be an individual’s true desire.”
-Erich Fromm, Escape from Freedom

In his most debated work, Erich From cited that although we are free, there is an innate need in us to be enslaved by someone else, therefore we seek to belong. There is no more oppressing feeling than the feeling of isolation and loneliness.

Given this theory, could it justify why we stay in relationships even though sometimes it hurts?

I began to imagine myself without him. I can go through every boutique in the mall without anybody telling me, “There’s nothing we need there, Honey…” I can go to an all night karaoke with my girlfriends without feeling guilty. I can post sexy profile pictures on FB, FS, MS, Orkut and etc. I can sleep late and even gulp Maggi Savor when I want to.

With all these freedom debates and other mind boggling questions, all I want is to go home and watch a good movie, listen to some Norah Jones or talk about it over coffee with someone.

Again, I began to imagine myself without him: Free and having coffee alone. I can’t.

All these compromises to escape freedom. It is just priceless.

blue moon: saw me standing alone

One of the all-time favorite flicks that I share with my sister Hope is Selena's life story. We would sing "Dreaming of You" as though there were no tomorrows. As siblings, we love to share our common interests with each other, just as Selena and her brothers. Aside from its tragic end, I have always appreciated Selena's version of "Blue Moon/We Belong Together" and searched for Vidal Brothers' version of it. The melody is soothing. Makes me wonder how it is like to see the moon turning blue. What really is "Blue Moon" to me, anyway?

I was on my way to work late morning on the last day of the year. On my mobile radio, the news said that it is going to be blue moon tonight. A rare occurrence of time and nature...and on a New Year's eve! Spending the countdown of 2010 with my cousin in the half empty apartment building, its quite a treat to have something to look forward to, somehow.

Our great grandma said, that whoever you are with when the blue moon rises will be the one that you will spend the rest of your life with. Perhaps, not literally though. (Here I go again, justifying the distance ;-)) She might mean that, the person you have in your heart on a blue moon is the person you will be with forerver. For some, this is one of those things that I have in my superstition's box.

Blue moon is a term that people from long ago have coined, not because the moon changes it color from pale yellow light to blue on a particular night, or a result of some ancient voodoo or something to be scared of. Instead, it is the appearance of two full moons in a month. Usually, there is only one, and it used to happen only once every 19 years. Therefore, in one lifetime, one could only witness a few.

There is no blue moon to occur in the next three years. The next spectacle happens to be on my birthday, August 2, 2010 and August 31, 2010. From then on, there won't be any until July 2, 2015 and July 31, 2015. For as long as I can lift my head and see the sky on those triumphant nights, I will see it.

I feel just lucky to know that I can see it up above the sky, and keep in my heart a love of my own.

“…Blue moon, you saw me standing alone
Without a dream in my heart, without a love of my own
Blue moon, you knew just what I was there for
You heard me saying a prayer
For someone I really could care for
And then it suddenly appeared before me
The only one my arms could ever hold
I heard somebody whisper, please adore me
And when I looked the moon had turned to gold…”