glory without the crown =(

Insecurity + Impulse + Action = Bad hair.

Even if I scream and whine at the most expensive salon's door, no stylist would give me a rebond. Not even digital curls. No more hair spa, not even a steam. It would be an unwise move for any hair professional to even open the doors for me, just as I insisted for a hair spa last Saturday. My purpose? To let the curls out, but the long years of rebonding has made my hair more sensitive and it reacted differerently to the steam's heat. The moment I mentioned the services I wanted , there was resistance on the hair spa part, but I insisted with a promise of a really fat tip when all is done. I went out of the salon feeling "cute".

Yet, my crowning glory was transitory. Came the moment of truth after 24 hours when water washed away the conditioner that held the shine, moist and curls. It was like my scalp underwent ten years of drought that moisture was totally lost and each strand has a different world than the others. This morning, I tried all rescue moves with a strong hold mousse and hair curler, but to no avail. I have come to terms that I am going to live more than 365 bad hair days.

I bowed and prayed resentfully for the many insecurities that I have had. Bad hair and bloated, feeling overweight, shoes one size larger than normal, clothes rather too fit or would never fit at all anymore, alone and so un-loved...and so jealous!!! I was not able to hold it that I acted upon impulse. I have considered myself at the ugliest state, when I am supposed to feel blessed and beautiful. I, then, made a bargain with the Lord that if I may not be at the best shape, for as long as my baby is, I will battle myself and I will look forward to post-natal depression with glee.

The impulse for a strong shot of espresso has long been healed. Shopping in times like these would only lead to mourning over the stilletos that I cannot wear, and maternity clothes are such big no-no's! They would just make me look like a molested child. What plays to ease my mind is the thought of Disneyland and the scent of summer in HongKong.

Sigh! Haven't I just mentioned about battling myself???

I'd settle for a great big hug. =)