home making

Few years after, I am back to the "normal people" shift. I could'nt even remember the last time I worked on real working hours. It must be during the time I was teaching preschool and that was a little over five years ago. I don't understand the kind of excitement that swept me over when I woke up this morning. Was it the thought of good breakfast? I usually have the impulse to read even just a few pages, but not this time. There are a lot of things that come and go inside my head, only one stays - coming home. 

Do I even know where home is? Aside from my little street not mapped in Google, I have just recently talked to the elders of my family. I felt that if I go back home where I grew up, it will no longer be the same. There's still room for visits, but not for habitation as most adults in families best not see each other on a daily basis. With another life growing in me, I have to take charge of my life now.  I cannot just go back home, instead, I have to make my kid a home.

When Hope and I were chatting online, she asked "What if Mom didn't leave us before, do you think we would be closer to her now?" Dad wasn't there too, but why can we tell him how we feel in a better way? Don't you think Mom is missing something, or are we missing something? We thought about putting ourselves into Mom's shoes.

Since time immemorial, she had been a career woman - something which discouraged our Dad instead of making him responsible. When Mom was taking too much space in the corporate world and his disinterest in his profession, he left all the money-making to Mom, thus, having her to leave us to the care of our grands and nannies. There were times we wished to be home from school with a mother waiting by the door to lead us to the table with delicious snacks. That never happened because when we were old enough, we were sent to boarding school in the care of the nuns. They were sisters, not mothers.

It dawned into me that after a two-month maternity leave from work, who am I going to leave my kid to? Of course, I would hire a nanny, then put on a webcam in every corner of my little apartment and have it broadcasted online so that I can keep watch even if I am at work. You just can't trust anyone with your kid at this point in time. (Am I being too mommy-like already?)

For sure, if such technological amenities were available, Mom could have done the same. Still, I would like to come home to her for a visit, and how I want to share with her the kind of loving home that I am working out for my forming family - that home is always where the heart is.

(Photo courtesy of Ali A. Alsaffar. Thank you for sharing the photo of the loves of your life for the world to see. You have an amazing eye for beauty.)