Holy 411

When all else fails, I hold on to my faith and talk to the Lord. Alongside my prayers are questions and simple requests that I know He would grant. 

And I said, “Lord, I am in no ambition of the riches of the world for I know You will provide sufficiently for me and my family, as You always did. Though that does not make me a totally good girl, I am worthy to love. That is the reason you breathed life into me and now, I seem to be dislodged from that purpose. I want to function well as your instrument of love and peace.  Can I have some information please?”

In between sips of my morning coffee, he gave me what I needed to know. Just like that.

He said, “Now what? I also need to know what you are going to do now that you have what you need.”

Humirit pa ulit ako. “May I have more time?”

“You can take all the time you need, but remember, this granted request has a purpose. You have to take action or it will be again, buried beneath those pain. I made you sensible enough to surrender into numbness and dumbness,” He bargained.

Then, I heard my son giggle at his discovery of the sunlight from the window. I was given the gift of life to keep. I have to be always certain that I am there in moments like this. He will discover more sunrises  and sunsets, and the in-betweens. Soon, we will be arguing about the difference between Mongol pencil No.1 and No.2. He will go to field trips and jamborees. I am beginning to anticipate the time he would tell me, “Mommy, I’m in love.”

I have to make sure that he knows he is worthy to love and be loved – that I did not give him up for some fleeting feelings of attraction, and that no one else can stand in between the dreams we have built and the beautiful life that we are about to live.

Saying my prayers of gratitude for all the kindness of the Lord and His love, I had to leave my babe and keep the faith that at the end of the day: I will make it through tomorrow.