what faith can give hope

My Dearest Hope,

Three things will last forever--faith, hope, and love--and the greatest of these is love.
- Corinthians 3:13

When you said, “…because you’re not here…” It was a shot through my heart. I may be far, my dear, but I am ALWAYS where you are.

When mom brought you home as an infant, I already knew from grandma that I will be having a sister. I never liked the thought of it. It only means one thing. - sharing of attention and affection. I had always been a jealous and self protective kid, since I don’t have our parents around. That time, dad was still I med school and mom is building up her career so I had to live with our grandparents, having their hovering in full. I had no choice but to take on the role since I cannot let you stay inside mom’s tummy forever.

Anyway, as a part of the bargain, I didn’t have to be big sister to an infant who cries a lot at night for long hours because it was more of an enticing thought to be finally living with mom and dad. It was your turn to be left behind with our grandparents. Honestly, I have never taken the big sister role seriously.

Not until our little brother came along. That was the time that I really felt so responsible, mainly because I had to make his lunch when mom and dad is away. That is also the time we started living together. We used to be rivals. As they say, you were the “pretty one” and I am the “smarter one”. How I coveted you title! Remember those times that I don’t want you to tag along when I go out of our apartment? I used to be the cutest little girl on that street until you came to live with us. I accepted my title as the “smart one” when you could not even memorize your age and dad is having a hard time telling you that you are not “two years old, but already four!” It was an entry question for your pre-school. At that time, I wanted to lend you my brain so you could get into Kindergarten. Haha!

You grew up just as smart. In your own way, you did even better in school. We started being friends because we can’t get rid of each other. From rivals, we became allies. We would hide our clothes in a spare closet just in case we run away from home because we can’t take it anymore when our parents play favorites with our oblivious little brother. We would wait outside for two angels to just take us away.

People often see me as the outspoken one. I am the one whom they expect to do the most hideous things. You, being meeker, are expected to live a straighter life, according to the standards of society. At 16, you ran away from home and wrote your goodbye letter to mom and dad, they said those were my words (Yes, because you made me translate it in English, but those were your own!). I got really blamed, but I never told them where you were hiding even if I was the one who brought your stow away clothes to your school. I knew that I if I didn’t help you out, you will do it anyway. I wanted you to be safe so I became an accessory.

We are so much different in many ways, I know. I say the things I do and do the things I say. I am more visible. You, on the other hand say yes, but will do the opposite, and that makes you more stubborn. By heart, we are so much alike. We love for as much as we could. The Pharisees and the Hypocrites conclude that I am the predecessor of all of your mistakes. Yes, I made quite a handful, but I never encouraged you to tread the lurid grounds. In fact, I wanted you to always be on the safe side.

…but you are a very good stubborn.

You are smart and you are going to make it through just fine. I can not and will not tell you what to do. As I have said, you have me by your side now and always. I may not be a good example of a sister but you know that I am protective of you. Sometimes, all you’ve got to do is tell me. I may not give you the resolution but we can spend some time to laugh it off over donut and soy milk and pray hard during the silences in between.

I love you, Pya.

Standing by,
Faith