Missing Mommy

 



 This Mommy is missing. She is all that her son wants for Chistmas. We offer our prayers that Mommy Coleen be safely home soon.

This is heartbreaking FB post from Definitely FIlipino caught me contemplating about how I was able to cross my first year as a mother. I always come home to my son, but there are times that I, too, disappeared.

I have always told Biscocho that he is the son that I have exactly asked the Lord for. There may be disputes and we sometimes get a little tough, struggling from each other's grip but nothing can not be settled with a bottle of milk. Nadadaan naman sa ma-boteng usapan. Undeniably, everyday is a love story waiting to be told.

Baby B, this comes to apologize for the times when you have tried your best to wait up for me to come home from work and I forgot to give you your well deserved hug. Over the year, you have given me all the courage to come home even if I am so scared to. You kept me in one place.

I am sorry that sometimes I have disappeared because I was too hurt.

Always...always have faith that Mommy will come home to you. 


Coleen Gabrido, Missing since December 6, 2011 Family's Contact info: 0915-9013848 
*Her child's wish for Christmas is for his mommy to come home. Please offer your prayers that a child's wish will come true. Please keep on sharing. This has been verified with the husband. Details of her disappearance are as follows: She is a registered nurse and left the house at around 1pm of December 6, 2011 for her IELTS review. The couple didn't have any previous arguments to consider Coleen running away, they also have a 6 year old child to care for and big plans for their family The husband has reported Coleen missing to the police and she was last seen at their Project 6 home. Before she left their house, Coleen messaged her husband at about 12:40pm on December 6 saying, "Dad, papasok na ako. (Dad, I'm going to school)". That was the last text he received from her. The review center is just 15 minutes away from their home. Coleen's husband tried to contact her mobile phone upon finding that his wife hasn't returned yet nor replied back to his messages. Her phone was still ringing on December 6 but on the next day, December 7 after 5pm, she can no longer be contacted. Coleen is about 5'4" tall with an estimated weight 120-125lbs. The young mom at 26 had with her, her Nine West black shoulder bag, mobile phone, books and wallet. She did not leave their house with any extra clothing to dispute thoughts that she might have run away. From her review class, Coleen usually arrives at around 10-10:30pm but she did not get to come home since the night of December 6, 2011. Please refrain from posting needless comments, Coleen's child can already read and unguarded words can do more damage than good.

Walks of Life: Fishers of Men

"Come, follow me," Jesus said, "and I will make you fishers of men." Matthew 4:19

From the water, a thin, frail looking man with rolled nets came about. Minutes ago, only his head could be seen above water. As he continued to walk from the water towards the shore, a beaming smile could be seen on his face.


We continued taking pictures along the beach, as our overnight stay at Almalin Resort in Lobo, Batangas is about to end. We had to leave by mid-morning to catch a side trip to the nearby Malabrigo lighthouse. The 'AquaMan' (since I did not know where he came from other than the water) kept on stealing glances at us and smiles when we laugh. Then, I decided its time.


I walked over to him as he dug a long stick into the soft sand. He fumbled on his tangled nets as we exchanged "Good mornings."

Setting up the stick to help him untangle his nets.

I used to be a foreigner, too.

Untangling the nets.

"Ano ba yang mga kasama mo Ineng? Taga-saan ba kayo? (Where are your friends from? Where are you from)?"

"Taga Makati po kami Kuya. Mga foreigner po sila. Magkakasama kami sa trabaho.(We are from Makati. They are foreigners. We all work together.)"

Reminiscing his experience abroad.

This is something that I love to do.

He introduced himself as Kuya E. He has a family and they live nearby. He said that fishing is a part of his daily morning routine. 

"What do you do with the fishes Kuya? Do you sell them? How much?"


"Naku, hindi Ineng. Pang kain lang namin. Konti lang naman ang kinukuha ko. (Oh, no. We consume it. I only get enough.)


From there, he told me that he is not a 'commercial' fisherman. It is just something that he loves to do. He is almost 60 years old, a grandfather, and a father to professionals. He used to travel for work. He had been to Japan and Guam to work for his family until his children finished school. 


He glanced at my colleagues playing on the shore and said,  "Buti naman at nag-eenjoy sila dito. (Its a good thing that they enjoy it here.)"

Posing with Hao - my Vietnamese colleague.

He began to tell me of some of his experiences abroad. There were times that the loneliness is too much to bear. He said he wanted to go home to the Philippines, but he could not because it would deplete his savings - if he only knew - that he is face to face with someone who's done it quite a few times.


Anyway, I asked him why he loved to fish as his morning exercise. Why not biking? Or jogging? What's with the fish, Kuya?


The fishy question got a personal answer. 


"Alam mo Ineng, nung kabataan ko, balak ko sanang maging pari. Di ba ang mga disipulo ay pawang mga mangingisda? (You know,  when I was a lot younger, I wanted to be a priest. Just like the disciples - aren't some of them fishermen)?" 

He started to account his unrequited dream. "Kapag nangingisda ako naiisip ko yung sabi ni Kristo na 'be like fishers of men'. Noon, gusto kong makapagsilbi sa mas maraming tao at makuha and loob nila para sa Panginoon. (Every time I am fishing, I think about what Christ said, 'be like fishers of men.' I really want to touch other peoples lives through service and lead them back to the Lord.)"


"What prevented you from doing so? There must be a pretty good reason for choosing the another path." 

I wanted to be a priest.

"Nagkapamilya eh.Siguro hindi ko kakayanin kasi masyadong malaki ang mundo para mabago ko. Na realize ko nung nagkapamilya ako at nagtrabaho sa ibang bansa. Nabago ko ang buhay ng pamilya ko. Napagtapos ko ang mga anak ko. (I was able to have a family. Maybe because the world is too much for me to change. I realized this when I had my family. I was able to change my own family's life by having my children finish school.)"


And he asked for me to note, "Hindi mo kailangang baguhin ang mundo para may maibalik ka sa Kanya. Tama na may pagbabago kang magagawa para sa mga taong mahal mo."

Make a difference by showing your love.

Priesthood never occurred to me, but I have to agree. "You do not need to change the world to give back to the Maker. It is enough that you can make a difference in the lives of the people you love."


With that small talk during that small walk, Kuya E got me fishing for more way to show much love. A fisher of man, indeed.

Pasalubong ni Yulanda :)

When it comes to make up pasalubong, no one takes the chance to choose first but me! Thanks, cousin Ulyn...Labyu! She offered me some pieces to pick from saying in Kinaray-a, "Teng, tapos kaw ron telebabad? Pili ron jan. Pagusto kaw, and bilin lang anda!"

Yehey! Salamat, Saudi Real! Hihi.^^

When it comes to great lashes, I am all praises for Maybelline - no promise left unkept.  This time, here's the promise of Maybelline Define-A-Lash Lengthening Waterproof Mascara™ :

• Zero-clump mascara creates stunning length with clean definition

When I was putting it on, it seems that the rubber brush would give way. Are my lashes too stiff? Control was very much out of control on the first application. Before the first coat dried out, I tried putting on another coat hoping that the clump on my first attempt would go away. This time, things began to go easy, then on the last and final coat - voila! No clump, and softer flashy, lashes than I ever imagined it to be. 

Looks flashy in green and making eyelashes flashy in 'noir'.

 

 

 

 

Aside from this I have chosen some pretty nice stuff that I am so anxious to try in the coming days. Like the one I did this morning - Maybelline Dream Mousse Concealer™ in Sand 05 Shade. I thought it was too light for my skin tone. No dark circles under my eyes. I needed rescue since I only had four hours of sleep for the past two nights.

Soft and foamy gives good coverage.

 As of this time, two more products are at bay for the dry run:

NYX Chrome Loose Eyeshadow™ in shade CES 22-Space.

Max Factor Sheer Silk Gloss™ in Frosted Berry.

Loving make-up is like loving a flower that beautifies the world. =) Yet still, the best make up is a kind heart. Definitely waterproof.

“Sometimes people are beautiful.
Not in looks.
Not in what they say.
Just in what they are.”
― Markus Zusak, I Am the Messenger

Certified Wonder: Puerto Princesa Underground River

No doubt, PPUR [Puerto Princesa Underground River] made it! Aside from online poll and the text votes, it is a glorious masterpiece of art - crafted none other by the Maker.

Getting to PPUR through a local travel agent is quite expensive. I was planning to do a budget trip as usual, but then, with my colleagues not so willing to, I just can't do that. Anyway, its paid for, so why the fuzz?

The first stop from the city is the Sabang Beach where guided ferries await tourists to be brought to the sub-terrain park. There are two ways to get to the caves and the river - either by boat or by trekking the forest where over hundreds of rare animal species could be found. I wanted to do the latter, but in my silly slippers and the risk of being bitten by a Philippine Cobra, damn, I'd better rock the boat.

Tourists take a relaxing time by the pure shores of Sabang beach.

Lovely and tropical. Thank you palms for the shade.

The wharf on a siesta. Ferries are at rest on the other side.

Wherever I am, my life is in my heart, thus I live the day.

We stopped by Sabang beach at about lunchtime, had lunch at Sheridan Resort and enjoyed the sun. The next sail was up at about 1.30pm. We had a 25-minute cruise to the caved river. The sea and the sight was marvelous! 

The Underground River is covered by Saint Paul mountain. The top of the this mountain looks like a man's face, whom the people believed to be the Lord's face. Of course, with a creation like this, He needs to copyright it.

Greens on the rocks.

To God be the glory.

Crashing waves making a great scene for the passing travelers.

The shores from afar.

Finally, we got to Underground River - one of the rarest natural rock formations in the face of the earth. Even my biggest heartache can not deny that there is a loving God embracing me at that very moment. All geared with a lifevest, a helmet and flashlight, our boat moved slowly to the caves. Ihave seen it all -  vegetables, saints, the Holy Family, the dinosaur and even Titanic.

An opening to the His Majesty's museum.

But then, I could not get enough. I have read that recently, a 20 million year old fossil was discovered on the walls of the cave. I guessed it won't be that far from the end-line of the paid journey. I was there and I needed to see it. Much to our group's demand, the guide paddled us to the wall where the sea lion was mounted. I clicked my shutter with gusto! Who would imagine what a built in flash and a little lighting from the flashlight can do?

Serendia. The 20 million year-old sea lion who witnessed mankind's rise and fall.

Setting foot on the shores to the river that makes the heart wild.

Boys will be boys. One of their scouting activities is visiting the PPUR. Ola, ninos!

No motorboats allowed. Their noise will disturb the fishes and the bats!

Bring me to life.

Everyone enjoys the vegetable basket and getting into the cathedral.

Its called the Titanic because this formation is like a ship's bottom slicing through the waters.

Those wonders that I have seen inside the cave will not be the same comes the time that Biscocho will visit the Underground River with his FIRST girlfriend 30 years from now for their FIRST 'monthsary' - yes, I mean 30 - walang tawad!  Some of the vegetables will grow into trees and some saints will be gone to heaven. There will be new figures to be formed and only God knows how beautiful they are going to be.

Hug me no tighter than this...yes, like this.

Hmmmnnn....Did I just feed you wild? Hehe

 The Puerto Princesa local government is highly commended for preserving such a natural wonder. Each of us has the capacity to preserve all the good things that we have. Just like the Underground River, everything is subject to change - but all simply put, if you take good care of the beautiful things that you have, you will spend your whole life wonderfully.

http://www.bing.com/travel/content/search?q=New+7+Wonders+of+Nature%3a+Amazon+Rainforest%2c+South+America&cid=msn1211347&form=HPTRAV

Ka Blogs!

I used to get up the 'santol' tree with my notebook and pen to find serenity and write with gusto - savoring my isolation. The only time I would get down is when the folks are mad and looking for me. Finding a venue for the creative mind wasn't easy during my time (yeah, right...my time. hmpf). Just to say, I am crazy about my TUMBLR! http://rambahfaith.tumblr.com/

With my tumblr, thoughts run wild.

Oh...those sent items broke my heart. :(

Right. Whatever is received is based on what is given. I say no more, even if there is no assurance that there will be no more.

Hagdan-hagdang palayan...

Makes me want to do it on the stairs, too. When our house is done, this will be a part of its blessing. Blissful.

I miss Yellow Box, and the one I'm with at Yellow Box.

I want pizza. I want to go back to Yellow Box in Roxas City. Immortalize the taste. Why not make a review? Hmn...

The sea and me.

One photo overlaid with another. I want to do this. I will practice. =)

Ayala Morn

the metro strip

Just a few meters away from our building, I passed by a vendor being dragged by a police (was it really a police, I'm not so sure, but he's in uniform, therefore, I concluded). I feel for the man being dragged by that person in authority. There is a wanting in me to intrude - make a scene upon the scene and give the man in uniform a sermon on brutality against human rights. Thinking about the elevator traffic, I went my way, making the happening fade away from my peripheral vision...just like the others. 

This is the metro. It knows no awe. Everything is mechanical and the moment you get off to step on its streets, you have morphed into a money-making, tax paying numb. Anyway, its only morning and who knows, I'll be seeing a better sight as the day blooms. Perhaps this is why time does not stand still: to give hope every second.

Indeed, the chicken tapa, corned beef palengke (as Pam calls it, remarking: "HMP! Di man lang Purefoods!) and mini mangoes was a glimpse of hope. I needed to eat. To take my attention off the 'crimson' corned beef, I paid attention to the DJ's on the radio. OMG, they speak so American English! They are talking to each other in jargons. To me they almost speak Chinese for I, who have AmSpeak training could not even understand. Hey, you have an audience, idiots!!! 

After a long time, I got the gist of their conversation, that somewhere in the US (sa US pa ha? How can anybody believe this?), sexual positions other than 'missionary' is illegal. Hello? Masarap ang bawal. I used to believe so but such crap, brought me nowhere. With other explorative positions, I definitely got lost. First, lost my clothes, then lost my sanity...not nowhere, but somewhere. Damn, I wanna go home. NOW. D-uh, with the kids listening, how can such conversation be aired at such an early time slot?! Where's the 'effin censorship board? As a parent, I need to be more vigilant. 

*****

Terima kasih for the Martabak that Ira brought from Jakarta. Sweet pancake pudding stuffed with choco syrup, cheese, sesame and nuts. Its awesomely delectable! Something good to wrap up the events of the not-so-wrapping morning on Ayala Avenue. This is just one of the mornings and there are much mornings to go through on this metro strip.

Three days to go. So is it missionary? However, wherever...whatever! ^_^

looks for free

Lucky Me.

"Our eyelashes brushed like they would weave together by themselves, turning us into one wild thing…"

Kahamot sang lakaki sa jeep. 

I smell Polo Explorer®. After all, I feel so human again. The urge to stare could not be spared. His hair spiked up and waxed. His face, pwede na – strong and shaven. His long sleeves, neatly pressed and for sure, starched. His pants, de liston and his shoes, well cleaned and shined*, though not new. Awww... Makes me want to lay my head on his shoulder while cruising Ayala Avenue on an early morning traffic. This all happened at first glance.

Upon the second look, His hair made me miss Ram’s fine strands with its brownish color looking even lighter without the wax. The stranger's face made me long to see the gentle features that keeps me charmed, and drives me freaking mad. While the neatly pressed long sleeves makes me want to spend my whole life ironing and starching his work clothes, the lined pants makes me want to remodel all of his pants to fit everytime it doesn't. He comes on too strong especially when unshaven. And of course the well polished shoes make me want to be his exclusive shoe shine girl - in lingerie.

There was no appeal of a third-time look anymore. I was then, too busy daydreaming.

Me and Dila on our way home after work.

This made me recall my friend Dila. In her culture, choosing the man to be with and to have kids with is not a matter of choice but more of a tradition. According to her parents, should she be back to Cambodia and agree with the terms, she is to marry a man from their village. Whoa! One cannot enjoy the pleasure of a first glance, take a second look and think about it and make a choice on staring at him again or not anymore. The moment you meet, you are damned! Good thing, my friend was able to talk her parents out of it, that she will be given more time since there is no rush, and that, she still enjoys working. That's it, somlahj!

Indeed, how lucky I am to enjoy the freedom to stare and appreciate (...and smell a bit) the bounty of nature. When loving someone, there is no need for a third look because you decide. 

And yes, I am always busy daydreaming. 

*********************

shined* - I was anxious and torn upon using this form of past tense and tried to use 'shone' instead. For reassurance, I delved into the Big Grammar Book and learned that 'shine' is one of the verbs which has an irregular past tense. Shined is used when it takes a personal subject and object...Uh well, I just need the verb to end with -ed. ^_^

imminence of death, loss or injury

JEOPARDY, as defined is an exposure to or imminence of death, loss or injury. It was derived from Middle English, Anglo-French term ‘jeuparti’ which literally means divided. Synonymous to it would be distress, endangerment, peril, trouble.

Antonyms: preservation, salvation, defense, protection.

Double Jeopardy, 1999

Since time immemorial, studying vocabulary had become one of my challenging habits. When I was starting out, I had the notion that synonyms are the good side of the word and antonyms are the bad ones. In most words, there are more synonyms than antonyms. I liked noting the synonyms better. Just so-so with the opposites.

Having the online Thesaurus can make me define the terms easily. Can this definition, though, keep us preserved and protected when faced with jeopardy? I cannot rely on either the dictionary or thesaurus this time.

It ain’t easy battling with one’s doubts and pride. Even FOREX trading has become easy with my daily undertakings. So does computing the odds for a Mix parlay on Sports betting. The next thing that I want to get used to is speaking conversational Mandarin, not just the “bad words” (as again, credited to Shi Liu ;-) F-i-s-h!) The lurking threats has suddenly driven me madder than ever.

Seriously, I feel like my turf is faced with double jeopardy. One enemy already around, soon the other enemy will be around.

L***e! Isa-isa lang, para patas at hindi ako mahinang kalaban.

I will kill for the antonyms: preservation, salvation, defense, protection – as murder isn’t always a crime.

Of Indochina and Household Chores In Bloomers

The marching band.

I have always coveted to be a majorette. Not even a baton leader, but just to be a majorette. I want to wear bloomer shorts under those semi-tutu skirts, dance on the streets with the rhythm played by the little drummer boys. And those high-heeled boots…oh, those high heeled boots!!!

In high school, I have successfully convinced my parents to take me out of the convent and to get me into the public school where the rest of my cousins were - of course, with the ulterior motive to get into the marching band. In the same year, the band was…disbanded! Along with it was my shattered dream of those cute bloomer shorts.

I have to set aside this dream, to make a way for more dreams. Some other dreams whose rhythm plays only in my heart.

Proposed entry: Ho Chi Minh; Proposed Exit: Bangkok

When I received an invitation for WD funded research, hopefully to happen within the second to the last quarter of the year, my heart is exalted. I hope to cross four countries on a backpack. For sure, it is not going to be like the other travels where I base myself in the capital and enjoy the city. It will be more of the countryside, landmines and crossing borders on a bus, hopefully not at gunpoint. I hope that the cease fire between Thailand in Cambodia is now on by that time as the conflict over Preah Vihea is still under negotiation.  I see myself doing an interview with the Cambodian army as well as crossing paths with the Vietnamese soldiers. It will be a great challenge, but an opportunity for me to do the things I love. Who knows, it might get me a Pulitzer or a Nobel?!? Whoah!  Just being ambitious.

I still have the time to think. As I did some, here comes another one of my dreams. To be make my home a source of love, comfort and happiness for my family: to make sure that the kids have their snacks and their homework done when they go to school; to make sure that Ram’s got a hanky in his pocket when he’s at work; and when they come home at the end of the day, I have to make sure that my arms are waiting to give them the tightest embrace.

Before I take upon the destiny of the household chores that I would gladly surrender to, I will have some great experiences to tell my kids. Stories of the goodness of life and strange, beautiful dreams that drive every man, as they too, will begin to take off on their dreams. Wouldn’t it be great to tell them about the Saigon river over a delicious jelly afternoon snack while Daddy’making the dinner steak marinade? (Totyal daw sa mga ‘kano lang bah! Steak a.k.a. sinugba! Hihi.)  Yes indeed, it would be great fun.

I am keeping my fingers crossed that my Indochina research it will come true. I will get a confirmation in six weeks as my entry portfolio is being reviewed. I pray that the Lord will grant me all the desires of my heart. 

For so long, I have whined and fretted. Recently in an experiential conversation with Ram, I have mentioned, “Being a majorette has been my dream. Wala gid ko ya kaagi majorette. Mayo ka pa naka drummer boy!” Quickly he said, “Honey, para lang na ya sa mga gwapa!”

We both laughed, but I had second thoughts wanting to cry kay hambal ya para lang na sa mga gwapa…but then again, I analyzed ‘para lang na sa mga gwapa’.

Therefore, to him, GWAPA-GWAPA GID KO YA!!! ***Bleh!!!

With this, another of my dream is waiting to happen again. To lie in his arms with no bloomers on -  and in three years time, we will be buying our baby girl her own baton.

Arte, Arte!

"There are painters who transform the sun to a yellow spot, but there are others who, with the help of their art and their intelligence, transform a yellow spot into sun." 

— Pablo Picasso

KL to MNL, June 2010: Stolen Wings

Poetry. Painting. Photography.

Three of the things in literature that I love most. My dad used to kid me, “You are so fond of the things that apparently stops your world from turning. Rid it, or else you are not going to live long.” Maybe so.

An artful life ain’t easy. My masterpieces will always have to deal with the critics and the cynics. I get through it, but beat. Scarred, even. Yet, that does not stop me from doing the things that could extend time and could keep the moment forever. I always imagine my life on the brink and there is always a great way to spend it before falling into the abyss.

Yes, I spread myself too thin with my inclination to writing. Again, I risk being obscured. I might tear as I get past the curves but my life is not for others to question. They will, they can but I will never let them live it for me. I will not dwell in my mistakes for I can do better than I did - much better than they did. My mistakes, though they put me in the limelight of public scrutiny, will not make me less.

My world does not stop turning just because I wrote about it, translated it onto a blank canvass or clicked the shutter. It goes on as it must. The advantage is that I can relive the moment when times get rough. It will remind me that I made it through those days. A lifetime is too short to live just one day in a day. If I could live two days in one, why not?

When the time comes that my life is without me, it will still be full of me. The people I love can continue to read the poetry and prose that I have written – should they miss me. They will relive the moments with me. My children (children-in plural form; I intend to have more) will love to share with their friends photos from their childhood - that I have taken. And they, too, can believe that the life can be kept still.

Poetry. Painting. Photography.

Many times, I have stood on a line between giving up and seeing how much I could take. Then I realized, that with the amount of passion I have, the public and forever won’t be enough to test my limit.