Holy 411

When all else fails, I hold on to my faith and talk to the Lord. Alongside my prayers are questions and simple requests that I know He would grant. 

And I said, “Lord, I am in no ambition of the riches of the world for I know You will provide sufficiently for me and my family, as You always did. Though that does not make me a totally good girl, I am worthy to love. That is the reason you breathed life into me and now, I seem to be dislodged from that purpose. I want to function well as your instrument of love and peace.  Can I have some information please?”

In between sips of my morning coffee, he gave me what I needed to know. Just like that.

He said, “Now what? I also need to know what you are going to do now that you have what you need.”

Humirit pa ulit ako. “May I have more time?”

“You can take all the time you need, but remember, this granted request has a purpose. You have to take action or it will be again, buried beneath those pain. I made you sensible enough to surrender into numbness and dumbness,” He bargained.

Then, I heard my son giggle at his discovery of the sunlight from the window. I was given the gift of life to keep. I have to be always certain that I am there in moments like this. He will discover more sunrises  and sunsets, and the in-betweens. Soon, we will be arguing about the difference between Mongol pencil No.1 and No.2. He will go to field trips and jamborees. I am beginning to anticipate the time he would tell me, “Mommy, I’m in love.”

I have to make sure that he knows he is worthy to love and be loved – that I did not give him up for some fleeting feelings of attraction, and that no one else can stand in between the dreams we have built and the beautiful life that we are about to live.

Saying my prayers of gratitude for all the kindness of the Lord and His love, I had to leave my babe and keep the faith that at the end of the day: I will make it through tomorrow.

tumblr Sunday!

Don't Derek Morgan and I look great together on a page?

My Monday is everybody’s Friday. When all the world is at rest, here I am busting my ass explaining financial terms! I wish I could spend half of this day in the salon for a hair trim and a beautiful manicure, plus, I need to find my baby B a real cute hat. I need to get my party dress from the shop and make a report – on a Sunday. Presently not-so-perfect and tense.

Gladly, though, working on a weekend isn’t so toxic. Less traffic, no bosses. I can sneak on blogging and make some posts on my tumblr. How I owe you a lot tumblr.com! Although sometimes you’re too heavy a site for my already jampacked internet connection, you never fail to be there for comfort, expression and a friend to lean on. If only I could treat you for a Caramel Macchiato grande, I would. No doubt, I would. Presently not-so-perfect and less tense.

Still, Sundays are best.

http://rambahfaith.tumblr.com

what about love

=) Just Pop Rockin'! I love HEART!

What About Love - Heart
I've been lonely
I've been waiting for you
I'm pretending and that's all I can do
The love I'm sending
Ain't making it through to your heart
You've been hiding - never letting it show
Always trying to keep it under control
You got it down and you're well
On the way to the top
But there's something that you forgot
What about love
Don't you want someone to care about you
What about love
Don't let it slip away
What about love
I only want to share it with you
You might need it some day
I can't tell you what you're feeling inside
I can't sell you what you don't want to buy
Something's missing and you got to
Look back on your life
You know something here just ain't right
What about love
Don't you want someone to care about you
What about love
Don't let it slip away
What about love
I only want to share it with you
What about love
Don't you want someone to care about you
What about love
Don't let it slip away
What about love
I only want to share it with you

dawnbreak

Its breaking dawn.

Its breaking my heart.

Just like most of the crowd on the way to work, the chill of the early February morning can’t help but help me get forlorn. I wish the little birdie didn’t tell me so. He should’ve kept it all to himself knowing that it would be bothersome, least it would hurt.

Yet, the little birdie is uncanny. He just couldn’t keep himself still, and I’ve got to know.

Tsk. Tsk. Tsk.

Its breaking dawn.

Its breaking my heart.

Now Michael Bolton, you don’t know what its like. You’ll never know what its like. 

Let’s drown together.

http://en.dilandau.eu/download_music/to-love-somebody-michael-bolton-1.html#5

Promises Kept

Nothing False. When I got to the Maybelline stall, I asked for the classic Great Lash mascara hoping they got back on the shelf. To my dismay, it was already totally phased out. In memory of how it came to be, a girl named Mabel was caught by his brother mixing coal dust and Vaseline to put on her lashes to attract the man she loves. The chemist brother took advantage of his lovestruck sister’s homemade lash definer and called it Maybelline Great Lash mascara. I was sad to say goodbye to my bashy eyelash when the saleslady offered me to try one of their newest formulas – Maybelline Volum’ Express The Magnum Mascara. Due to rush I did not do the usual testing. When I put it on, what can I say? As promised, I got the great volume that I desire. Not much with the length, though. Anyway, my lashes are naturally long. Looks false without the false.

Switched for Cover. Since time immemorial, these freckles are nothing but an ache to my sight! We got it from our Dad’s side. Fair and freckled. I can’t get rid of them or hide them, so I’ve got to lighten them. I had to jump from one base foundation to another until six years ago, I found my skin found domesticity with VMV. I didn’t mind the sticky nature for as long as it can have me covered. Lately, my beauty consultant gave me a sampler of the Mary Kay Liquid Foundation in Full Coverage. All the lightening and base foundation that I need, without the sticky feel. It does not only only become a second skin – it becomes a part of my skin!

Underdog Under My Arms. I was planning to have my underarms undergo Mosbeau whitening treatment for it darkened due to pregnancy. This was actually one of the first signs that I have conceived, but after childbirth,  it’s the first one that I want whitened. Mosbeau is quite expensive and there I was standing torn between getting rid of the dark and another can of infant formula. And I remembered Yoko. Not John Lennon’s Yoko, but the underarm whitening cream that my Thai friend mentioned. It may not be so popular, but I might as well give it a try. In a week’s time, there was more progress than expected.  

Cocoa, Shea and Me. Not until the seventh month of my pregnancy did I have any stretch marks. As I got into my last trimester, there they were…giggling on my stomach skin. When the baby was out, my skin looked not less than a crumpled paper with all those stretch marks. Do you think saying goodbye to my two-piece bikinis forever is easy? I still dream of a photoshoot under the sun with the sand and the sea! Palmer’s Cocoa Butter Formula Massage Cream for Stretch Marks is doing a great job. It has already flattened and smoothened the crumps and now, all I have to wait for is its lightening. The mark of motherhood may be there to stay, but I will not let it get in the way for my two-piece bikinis!

Proud Filipino: AKO!

“Ay ang cute! Kano ba ang Daddy nya? (How cute! Is his Daddy American?)”

 “Hindi po. (No, Ma’am)”

“Ahhh…siguro Inchik. (Ahhh…He’s Chinese, I suppose.)”

“Hindi po.(No, Ma’am.)”

“Ha? Eh anong lahi ng Daddy nya? (Ha? So what’s his Daddy’s race then?)”

“Lahing Pinoy  po. Chinitong Ilonggo. (He is a Filipino. Chinese looking-Ilonggo.)”

“Eh, nasaan ang Mommy nya?(Where’s his mom?)”

“Anak ko po! (He’s my son!)”

I have had it with that woman! It’s a good thing that the elevator doors opened that very moment or else we could have exchanged some not so good rebuttals. Plus, we got to left her behind –children or babies on prams first! She’s mistaken me for a nanny? I may not have worn any make up on a relaxing Sunday but that classless woman!…and how impossible can Filipino parents produce a good-looking kid? Poor madam. Gosh!

Sharing another faith.

Thinking about this mall incident, I looked at both sides of my station. On my right is a Thai guy. On my left it’s a Viet girl. In front of me, Chinese - Oh Shi Liu why did you cut your own hair!? The top part is okay but the sides? Waaah! LOL! Behind me is a row of Viets, Chinese and Korean combo. The next Filipino employee is seated 15 meters away from me. We can endorse the United Colors of Benetton – Asian edition. What have I got in line next? Training new Cambodian employees. See you soon, Angkor Wat!

I have acquaintances, friends and families from all over the world. From time to time, we exchange our

Bangkok, Thailand: working with a foreigner - Supphatra Kiawsungnoen.

stories and experiences in working with foreigners. Some say good, mostly say bad. Most often, I hear them say that these people treat Filipinos as inferior, subordinate and as breathing mechanical slaves. Less do I hear that they are being uplifted or even equally treated. It leaves them not so much of a  choice. Being immigrant workers they have to be submissive to keep their jobs and avoid deportation. For this reason, subservience is considerable. Nobody wants to be the next Flor Contemplacion, right? Being treated in the same way in your own country is another story.

Lately, I’ve been dealing with such issues. I went back to work after a 60-day maternity leave, and of course, I have heard the “gossip”:  No more Filipinos are to be hired in our department.

So discriminatingly racial.

There goes I, stabbing every foreign soul in the building with my insulting remarks, threats of deportation and wagging my horns as tails, too. How can one’s right to employment be curtailed in his own country? Would we be subservient to other races on this? For once, we can speak English way, way better than they can! My mind was clouded with reviewing the Labor Code, thinking about gathering the evidences and arms ready for an anytime upheaval.

Adorable Viet coffee lover. Ngo Trinh Quyn Nhu - thanks for those afternoons!

Came my day off and while babysitting, I realized:  Everyone is created equal. No one can govern you without your consent, as it was said and written. In practice, we were taught subordination as a part (and will always be a part) of our advancement in the corporate ladder. There are bosses to deal with and in my case, they happened to be of different nationalities. I thought about what made them think ill about Filipino employees in general, despite the fact that they can save cost on the payroll.

I needed the reinforcement of his Daddy’s video clips to lull Biscocho to sleep. When he is off to his dreams of swimming in a pool of milk and fresh new  diapers (I suppose that’s what babies dream of), I took a peek on some of my work and checked the QA data dated back to the days that I was on leave. OMG! There goes the reason for the downfall of the Filipino team in our department. Bad cheetah! I have to do some clean up on this mess. When I got to work, there I go taking out the weakest links. Y’know. Sad but some must  go. 

Indolence at work has made Filipinos very ineffective, thus leading other races to lead. We can be at par, or

Merdeka Square, KL - a land not mine

even better. Working with them in our own country have all its advantages. We have all the reasons to be proactive, even if subordinated we must never be subservient. Many of them does not like me for I am starightforward – far from being unassuming, naïve and not so questioning as they see us to be, but I am in my best efforts to be indispensible. Besides the fact that I have a mouth to feed, it makes me so proud to show the rest of the world that Filipinos can get away from the label of “inferior manpower” (as I have heard one boss describe it – duh? Inferior? Manpower? How can such power be inferior? Both words stand on the opposite sides of intensity. A little diction check please, Inchik! Hmpf…).

Delivering more quality work, integrity and knowledge, they now seldom tell the tale. When they say something negative about my people and my country, for sure they do it at night when they are all huddled in their condos, but not in my presence. I say no more about them, except that I treat everyone in the respect that they deserve. I am loyal to my job and I can say that as a Filipino, I do it best.  After all, I still desire to be a friend to everyone after work shifts are over. Sometimes, I need one and it doesn’t matter – foreign or not.

in Cambodia where children gather to ask for food.

Many times, I too, had been a foreigner. I have stayed on lands not mine. I had been with people who do not speak my language, do not look like me and do not believe in the same advocacies, not to mention having contrasting faiths with mine. I have been to cities cleaner and more industrialized than my own country, and I too, have seen poorer situations than our own. This opened my heart to equality – made my heart one with the world – and made me proudest to be a Filipino than ever before.

gold does not glitter

"All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.


 From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king."

— J.R.R. Tolkien (The Fellowship of the Ring)

slow kiss goodnight

Love is stories that will never be told.

Love is a slow kiss goodnight.
It is anticipation.

Love is an imperfection in yourself not bothering you.
It is acceptance.

Love is passing up the opportunity because the time isn't right yet.
It is patience.

Love is a back massage that starts above the hairline and ends around the innersoles.
It is exploration.

Love is not having to say, "Lets make love", because you know what the other person wants.
It is understanding.

Love is being given an honest chance to say no when you thought you were committed.
It is consideration.

Love is saying the perfect phrase to make a solemn embrace dissolve into giggles.
It is humor.

Love is being told, "Stop and I'll kill you."
It is desire.

Love is reviewing the damage to your living room and realizing
personal effects are strewn in a clockwise pattern from the front door to the bedroom.
It is abandonment.

Love is seeing what your lover really looks like for the first time.
It is truth.

Love is knowing what time it is and not caring.
It is joy.

Love is the arms around you tightening their embrace.
It is ecstasy.

Love is telling a person, if you have to leave, you will let them sleep,
and being told they would rather be awakened.
It is tenderness.

Love is waking up to find the subject of the dream you were having asleep on your shoulder.
It is where fantasy meets reality.

Love is being there to wake your lover....slowly.
It is sensuousness.

Love is belatedly knowing why you bought a king size bed three years ago.
It is practicality.

Love is two people only taking up a third of the king sized bed.
It is closeness.

Love is knowing you gave the extra set of keys to the right person.
It is trust.

Love is saying goodbye and knowing you'll be back by mutual consent.
It is faith.

Love is stretching your arms and discovering the real meaning of the word "sore."
It is a lesson in human frailty.

Love is opening up your medicine cabinet and finding your toothpaste turned into a pretzel.
It is adaption.

Love is sitting at the window, looking out, and remembering who you were with the night before.
It is reflection.

Love is hearing the weather forecast for a winter storm,
and wishing you could spend it in bed with your lover.
It is loneliness.

Love is stories that will never be told.
It is personal.

Love is a slow kiss goodnight. 

XOXO.

getting mad at alex

I am torn between another episode of the Secret Diary of a Call Girl and heading to the shower to get myself ready for work. I cannot choose between the two evils, therefore, I write.

Billie Piper as Belle de Jour

In the last two episodes that I have seen, it's all about how a woman loves a man and how he decides to leave her in the end. Isn't there somewhere a point where a man is capable of the deed called "compromise"? They just do things that you would fall for and just let you...fall. That's it.

Apparently, there are so many things that they can do to lure women to the trap. She gets tangled with the little display of affection and his huge need. They have the tendency to project that they need  partners - in the real sense of the word - - - and women don't? Well maybe not as much as they do. As always, they can be excused.

How easy it is for them to find faults and all the ways to leave. May it be ego, politics or religion, all seem to be a valid reason to say goodbye and some do not even take a glance back at the dream that they have shattered.

All these seem unfair, but purposely I guess, that's what we are made for. The victory is in picking it up altogether...again.

the crank attack

Grumpy me-ow!!!

What's the crank all about?

I do not know exactly how and what part of the day made me start being cranky.  Is it because I wanted Jamie to be firm in her decision making and get the task back to those who were described to do the task? Whatever she decides to do, it has nothing to do with me anyway, so why do I fret? Or is it because my passport still remains at large? Have I lost faith in people and in my prayers already? This can't be happening.

Cynicism is not for me to embrace. It all starts from being cranky and the next stage to that is being numb. Nothing and no one around me was able to escape my criticisms...not even Sandra's MSN status message. She got some lashing from me for her bad English. In return for being such a bad girl, my MP3player broke down!

I want to go home now...and have a nice sleep. =(