Promises Kept

Nothing False. When I got to the Maybelline stall, I asked for the classic Great Lash mascara hoping they got back on the shelf. To my dismay, it was already totally phased out. In memory of how it came to be, a girl named Mabel was caught by his brother mixing coal dust and Vaseline to put on her lashes to attract the man she loves. The chemist brother took advantage of his lovestruck sister’s homemade lash definer and called it Maybelline Great Lash mascara. I was sad to say goodbye to my bashy eyelash when the saleslady offered me to try one of their newest formulas – Maybelline Volum’ Express The Magnum Mascara. Due to rush I did not do the usual testing. When I put it on, what can I say? As promised, I got the great volume that I desire. Not much with the length, though. Anyway, my lashes are naturally long. Looks false without the false.

Switched for Cover. Since time immemorial, these freckles are nothing but an ache to my sight! We got it from our Dad’s side. Fair and freckled. I can’t get rid of them or hide them, so I’ve got to lighten them. I had to jump from one base foundation to another until six years ago, I found my skin found domesticity with VMV. I didn’t mind the sticky nature for as long as it can have me covered. Lately, my beauty consultant gave me a sampler of the Mary Kay Liquid Foundation in Full Coverage. All the lightening and base foundation that I need, without the sticky feel. It does not only only become a second skin – it becomes a part of my skin!

Underdog Under My Arms. I was planning to have my underarms undergo Mosbeau whitening treatment for it darkened due to pregnancy. This was actually one of the first signs that I have conceived, but after childbirth,  it’s the first one that I want whitened. Mosbeau is quite expensive and there I was standing torn between getting rid of the dark and another can of infant formula. And I remembered Yoko. Not John Lennon’s Yoko, but the underarm whitening cream that my Thai friend mentioned. It may not be so popular, but I might as well give it a try. In a week’s time, there was more progress than expected.  

Cocoa, Shea and Me. Not until the seventh month of my pregnancy did I have any stretch marks. As I got into my last trimester, there they were…giggling on my stomach skin. When the baby was out, my skin looked not less than a crumpled paper with all those stretch marks. Do you think saying goodbye to my two-piece bikinis forever is easy? I still dream of a photoshoot under the sun with the sand and the sea! Palmer’s Cocoa Butter Formula Massage Cream for Stretch Marks is doing a great job. It has already flattened and smoothened the crumps and now, all I have to wait for is its lightening. The mark of motherhood may be there to stay, but I will not let it get in the way for my two-piece bikinis!

Proud Filipino: AKO!

“Ay ang cute! Kano ba ang Daddy nya? (How cute! Is his Daddy American?)”

 “Hindi po. (No, Ma’am)”

“Ahhh…siguro Inchik. (Ahhh…He’s Chinese, I suppose.)”

“Hindi po.(No, Ma’am.)”

“Ha? Eh anong lahi ng Daddy nya? (Ha? So what’s his Daddy’s race then?)”

“Lahing Pinoy  po. Chinitong Ilonggo. (He is a Filipino. Chinese looking-Ilonggo.)”

“Eh, nasaan ang Mommy nya?(Where’s his mom?)”

“Anak ko po! (He’s my son!)”

I have had it with that woman! It’s a good thing that the elevator doors opened that very moment or else we could have exchanged some not so good rebuttals. Plus, we got to left her behind –children or babies on prams first! She’s mistaken me for a nanny? I may not have worn any make up on a relaxing Sunday but that classless woman!…and how impossible can Filipino parents produce a good-looking kid? Poor madam. Gosh!

Sharing another faith.

Thinking about this mall incident, I looked at both sides of my station. On my right is a Thai guy. On my left it’s a Viet girl. In front of me, Chinese - Oh Shi Liu why did you cut your own hair!? The top part is okay but the sides? Waaah! LOL! Behind me is a row of Viets, Chinese and Korean combo. The next Filipino employee is seated 15 meters away from me. We can endorse the United Colors of Benetton – Asian edition. What have I got in line next? Training new Cambodian employees. See you soon, Angkor Wat!

I have acquaintances, friends and families from all over the world. From time to time, we exchange our

Bangkok, Thailand: working with a foreigner - Supphatra Kiawsungnoen.

stories and experiences in working with foreigners. Some say good, mostly say bad. Most often, I hear them say that these people treat Filipinos as inferior, subordinate and as breathing mechanical slaves. Less do I hear that they are being uplifted or even equally treated. It leaves them not so much of a  choice. Being immigrant workers they have to be submissive to keep their jobs and avoid deportation. For this reason, subservience is considerable. Nobody wants to be the next Flor Contemplacion, right? Being treated in the same way in your own country is another story.

Lately, I’ve been dealing with such issues. I went back to work after a 60-day maternity leave, and of course, I have heard the “gossip”:  No more Filipinos are to be hired in our department.

So discriminatingly racial.

There goes I, stabbing every foreign soul in the building with my insulting remarks, threats of deportation and wagging my horns as tails, too. How can one’s right to employment be curtailed in his own country? Would we be subservient to other races on this? For once, we can speak English way, way better than they can! My mind was clouded with reviewing the Labor Code, thinking about gathering the evidences and arms ready for an anytime upheaval.

Adorable Viet coffee lover. Ngo Trinh Quyn Nhu - thanks for those afternoons!

Came my day off and while babysitting, I realized:  Everyone is created equal. No one can govern you without your consent, as it was said and written. In practice, we were taught subordination as a part (and will always be a part) of our advancement in the corporate ladder. There are bosses to deal with and in my case, they happened to be of different nationalities. I thought about what made them think ill about Filipino employees in general, despite the fact that they can save cost on the payroll.

I needed the reinforcement of his Daddy’s video clips to lull Biscocho to sleep. When he is off to his dreams of swimming in a pool of milk and fresh new  diapers (I suppose that’s what babies dream of), I took a peek on some of my work and checked the QA data dated back to the days that I was on leave. OMG! There goes the reason for the downfall of the Filipino team in our department. Bad cheetah! I have to do some clean up on this mess. When I got to work, there I go taking out the weakest links. Y’know. Sad but some must  go. 

Indolence at work has made Filipinos very ineffective, thus leading other races to lead. We can be at par, or

Merdeka Square, KL - a land not mine

even better. Working with them in our own country have all its advantages. We have all the reasons to be proactive, even if subordinated we must never be subservient. Many of them does not like me for I am starightforward – far from being unassuming, naïve and not so questioning as they see us to be, but I am in my best efforts to be indispensible. Besides the fact that I have a mouth to feed, it makes me so proud to show the rest of the world that Filipinos can get away from the label of “inferior manpower” (as I have heard one boss describe it – duh? Inferior? Manpower? How can such power be inferior? Both words stand on the opposite sides of intensity. A little diction check please, Inchik! Hmpf…).

Delivering more quality work, integrity and knowledge, they now seldom tell the tale. When they say something negative about my people and my country, for sure they do it at night when they are all huddled in their condos, but not in my presence. I say no more about them, except that I treat everyone in the respect that they deserve. I am loyal to my job and I can say that as a Filipino, I do it best.  After all, I still desire to be a friend to everyone after work shifts are over. Sometimes, I need one and it doesn’t matter – foreign or not.

in Cambodia where children gather to ask for food.

Many times, I too, had been a foreigner. I have stayed on lands not mine. I had been with people who do not speak my language, do not look like me and do not believe in the same advocacies, not to mention having contrasting faiths with mine. I have been to cities cleaner and more industrialized than my own country, and I too, have seen poorer situations than our own. This opened my heart to equality – made my heart one with the world – and made me proudest to be a Filipino than ever before.

gold does not glitter

"All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.


 From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king."

— J.R.R. Tolkien (The Fellowship of the Ring)

slow kiss goodnight

Love is stories that will never be told.

Love is a slow kiss goodnight.
It is anticipation.

Love is an imperfection in yourself not bothering you.
It is acceptance.

Love is passing up the opportunity because the time isn't right yet.
It is patience.

Love is a back massage that starts above the hairline and ends around the innersoles.
It is exploration.

Love is not having to say, "Lets make love", because you know what the other person wants.
It is understanding.

Love is being given an honest chance to say no when you thought you were committed.
It is consideration.

Love is saying the perfect phrase to make a solemn embrace dissolve into giggles.
It is humor.

Love is being told, "Stop and I'll kill you."
It is desire.

Love is reviewing the damage to your living room and realizing
personal effects are strewn in a clockwise pattern from the front door to the bedroom.
It is abandonment.

Love is seeing what your lover really looks like for the first time.
It is truth.

Love is knowing what time it is and not caring.
It is joy.

Love is the arms around you tightening their embrace.
It is ecstasy.

Love is telling a person, if you have to leave, you will let them sleep,
and being told they would rather be awakened.
It is tenderness.

Love is waking up to find the subject of the dream you were having asleep on your shoulder.
It is where fantasy meets reality.

Love is being there to wake your lover....slowly.
It is sensuousness.

Love is belatedly knowing why you bought a king size bed three years ago.
It is practicality.

Love is two people only taking up a third of the king sized bed.
It is closeness.

Love is knowing you gave the extra set of keys to the right person.
It is trust.

Love is saying goodbye and knowing you'll be back by mutual consent.
It is faith.

Love is stretching your arms and discovering the real meaning of the word "sore."
It is a lesson in human frailty.

Love is opening up your medicine cabinet and finding your toothpaste turned into a pretzel.
It is adaption.

Love is sitting at the window, looking out, and remembering who you were with the night before.
It is reflection.

Love is hearing the weather forecast for a winter storm,
and wishing you could spend it in bed with your lover.
It is loneliness.

Love is stories that will never be told.
It is personal.

Love is a slow kiss goodnight. 

XOXO.

getting mad at alex

I am torn between another episode of the Secret Diary of a Call Girl and heading to the shower to get myself ready for work. I cannot choose between the two evils, therefore, I write.

Billie Piper as Belle de Jour

In the last two episodes that I have seen, it's all about how a woman loves a man and how he decides to leave her in the end. Isn't there somewhere a point where a man is capable of the deed called "compromise"? They just do things that you would fall for and just let you...fall. That's it.

Apparently, there are so many things that they can do to lure women to the trap. She gets tangled with the little display of affection and his huge need. They have the tendency to project that they need  partners - in the real sense of the word - - - and women don't? Well maybe not as much as they do. As always, they can be excused.

How easy it is for them to find faults and all the ways to leave. May it be ego, politics or religion, all seem to be a valid reason to say goodbye and some do not even take a glance back at the dream that they have shattered.

All these seem unfair, but purposely I guess, that's what we are made for. The victory is in picking it up altogether...again.

the crank attack

Grumpy me-ow!!!

What's the crank all about?

I do not know exactly how and what part of the day made me start being cranky.  Is it because I wanted Jamie to be firm in her decision making and get the task back to those who were described to do the task? Whatever she decides to do, it has nothing to do with me anyway, so why do I fret? Or is it because my passport still remains at large? Have I lost faith in people and in my prayers already? This can't be happening.

Cynicism is not for me to embrace. It all starts from being cranky and the next stage to that is being numb. Nothing and no one around me was able to escape my criticisms...not even Sandra's MSN status message. She got some lashing from me for her bad English. In return for being such a bad girl, my MP3player broke down!

I want to go home now...and have a nice sleep. =(

bloodbath

TEAM UNBEATABLE.

"There is sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief and of unspeakable love." - Washington Irving

Already on my last leg of Criminal Minds', I am four episodes away from the completion of Season 5. The next season will be aired on 22nd of September and it will take a while before I have a compilation again. Over the weekend, I was expecting bloodbath and a lot of trips inside the minds psychopaths. I never expected this season to be a tear-jerker. Its not about how they end up to be criminals, but sifting through the manner of their victims' death, there is a great yearning to be loved and understood.

What makes a psychopath? For behavioral analysts, it is shown in the manner how the predator devours the prey. As it is synonymous to antisocial personality disorder, it is characterized by narcissism, hedonism and displays histrionic behavior. Least have I known in my study of Psychology that psychopathy could be to one's advantage, too. Those who belong to Factor 1 has been correlated with narcissistic personality disorder, low anxiety, low empathy, low stress reaction and low suicide risk but high scores on scales of achievement and well-being. (Glad to know this!) Those who belong to Factor 2 are the ones displaying socially deviant behaviors. Psychopathy is not a stand alone disorder. At most times, it is accompanied by another one or two more personality disorders which makes it tricky enough to diagnose.

Set to be within the realm of FBI's Behavioral Analysis Unit, Criminal Minds focuses more on profiling and victimology. Relevant series CSI and NCIS focus more on forensics and physical evidence. CM concentrates on the intangible evidences and predictive behavior. More than team spirit, loyalty and ingenuity, the characters are purposely exceeding the expectations of their roles for every episode. For sure, there are a lot more to expect with Season 6.

Major perk: SSA Derek Morgan is just h-o-t! =)

when you drop it like its hot

I dropped my stress ball and it rolled under my bed! I hate it when I drop things these days. Picking them up ain’t easy anymore. My spine attempts to snap with every bend. With my growing belly and never ending backaches, who would love to keep on stooping? My toes are even starting to disappear.

There are just some things in my life that I wish I didn’t drop – ‘coz it ain’t easy picking them up at all. There is a snap at every bend. Much more than that, there are mortalities. Some of them I cannot bring back to life, not in any form. Counting on the things that I have lost, it makes me feel so undeserving of the things that I have found along the way. Getting my way out of this confusion is a journey that I wish I could step into the light upon its culmination, without seeing heaven.

Like the morning begins the day, there are always new things to be found to compensate on the things that one has dropped and lost. If it rolled under some bed, there’s always a way to get it out of there. If there are no other ways, then there are other opportunities.

In college, I dropped a five-unit Chemistry class to make more time for campus journalism.I end up blogging.

=)

not a practical magic

Not because of the magic, spells and encantations that I am having a re-run of a 12 year old flick, Practical Magic. For some unknown reason, I am not able to play Faith Hill’s “This Kiss” on my player and I just feel like listening to even just a sound clip of it. Hanging around for halfway the movie made me realize that it’s not just the song… I missed my all time favorite. I missed hanging around with two gorgeous witches – Sal and Jilly Bean…

Sally said that she wished to fall in love with a man who’s got one eye green and the other blue. Such a man is less likely to exist. What does a little country girl know about genetics, anyway? If that man does not exist, therefore, she will not fall in love and die of a broken heart.

Just like her, “I dream of a love that even time will lie down and be still for.”

Yet, there isn’t any safe side. Time will roll and the world will never stand still just to be a spectator to a love affair. If it did, then, time and the world has long stopped ticking and revolving. And so will love. - for it evolves with the world and it copes with changes. Just as I once loved only me, then him, then we.

And the most practical amongst the magic, is that: when I get tired of loving one day, there will be warm little embraces telling me, “Mommy, it’s gonna be okay.”

donut trail on a birthday morning

On my way home from my morning walk at the nearby “talipapa”, I have noticed a trail of chewed donut bits . Some friendly flies are starting to swarm over the goodies. It is another obstacle to stay out of their way. Steps ahead I saw the little boy leaving the trail with his mom who seems to be oblivious of his wasting of food.  Tsk, tsk, tsk.

Ahhh…kids.

In less than 16 weeks, I will have mine. Anxiety is beginning to take its toll. Will childbirth be as laborious as I have heard from others? Or is it because I cannot impose discipline on a newborn? Or is this a prelude of PPD called pre-natal blues? Whatever it is, I need to blurt it out. Thank heavens I got a venture project for today – to try my luck in making my own Pancit Lucban. The control freak is taking over.

I got to change figures with my age once again. Adding up an age is something that one cannot assign to colleagues or subordinates. Uh-uh can’t run, much more can’t hide. Hmmmnn… I am not anxious about getting a year older, anyway. All of us will get there. Some just gets there sooner than the others, though. I have a full life ahead. Soon to complete my purpose of being a woman, I have never been excited in all my life. What I am as a person could partly be made know to the world in the kind of children I will bring up to this world.

Some family and friends have already sent out their birthday wishes and greetings that I have received and I thank them much for their thoughtfulness. I have realized the gifts that I have not in figures that or the places that I have been to, but with the hearts that still deem me a part of theirs in one way or another.

This is just another morning when the absence of a long coveted embrace is still missing. Hot pan de sal and great love songs will do. I have started yet another day. Just like the other days, this too will end in 24 hours.

Then, there is always tomorrow to look forward to.