I am torn between another episode of the Secret Diary of a Call Girl and heading to the shower to get myself ready for work. I cannot choose between the two evils, therefore, I write.
Billie Piper as Belle de Jour
In the last two episodes that I have seen, it's all about how a woman loves a man and how he decides to leave her in the end. Isn't there somewhere a point where a man is capable of the deed called "compromise"? They just do things that you would fall for and just let you...fall. That's it.
Apparently, there are so many things that they can do to lure women to the trap. She gets tangled with the little display of affection and his huge need. They have the tendency to project that they need partners - in the real sense of the word - - - and women don't? Well maybe not as much as they do. As always, they can be excused.
How easy it is for them to find faults and all the ways to leave. May it be ego, politics or religion, all seem to be a valid reason to say goodbye and some do not even take a glance back at the dream that they have shattered.
All these seem unfair, but purposely I guess, that's what we are made for. The victory is in picking it up altogether...again.
I do not know exactly how and what part of the day made me start being cranky. Is it because I wanted Jamie to be firm in her decision making and get the task back to those who were described to do the task? Whatever she decides to do, it has nothing to do with me anyway, so why do I fret? Or is it because my passport still remains at large? Have I lost faith in people and in my prayers already? This can't be happening.
Cynicism is not for me to embrace. It all starts from being cranky and the next stage to that is being numb. Nothing and no one around me was able to escape my criticisms...not even Sandra's MSN status message. She got some lashing from me for her bad English. In return for being such a bad girl, my MP3player broke down!
"There is sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief and of unspeakable love." - Washington Irving
Already on my last leg of Criminal Minds', I am four episodes away from the completion of Season 5. The next season will be aired on 22nd of September and it will take a while before I have a compilation again. Over the weekend, I was expecting bloodbath and a lot of trips inside the minds psychopaths. I never expected this season to be a tear-jerker. Its not about how they end up to be criminals, but sifting through the manner of their victims' death, there is a great yearning to be loved and understood.
What makes a psychopath? For behavioral analysts, it is shown in the manner how the predator devours the prey. As it is synonymous to antisocial personality disorder, it is characterized by narcissism, hedonism and displays histrionic behavior. Least have I known in my study of Psychology that psychopathy could be to one's advantage, too. Those who belong to Factor 1 has been correlated with narcissistic personality disorder, low anxiety, low empathy, low stress reaction and low suicide risk but high scores on scales of achievement and well-being. (Glad to know this!) Those who belong to Factor 2 are the ones displaying socially deviant behaviors. Psychopathy is not a stand alone disorder. At most times, it is accompanied by another one or two more personality disorders which makes it tricky enough to diagnose.
Set to be within the realm of FBI's Behavioral Analysis Unit, Criminal Minds focuses more on profiling and victimology. Relevant series CSI and NCIS focus more on forensics and physical evidence. CM concentrates on the intangible evidences and predictive behavior. More than team spirit, loyalty and ingenuity, the characters are purposely exceeding the expectations of their roles for every episode. For sure, there are a lot more to expect with Season 6.
I dropped my stress ball and it rolled under my bed! I hate it when I drop things these days. Picking them up ain’t easy anymore. My spine attempts to snap with every bend. With my growing belly and never ending backaches, who would love to keep on stooping? My toes are even starting to disappear.
There are just some things in my life that I wish I didn’t drop – ‘coz it ain’t easy picking them up at all. There is a snap at every bend. Much more than that, there are mortalities. Some of them I cannot bring back to life, not in any form. Counting on the things that I have lost, it makes me feel so undeserving of the things that I have found along the way. Getting my way out of this confusion is a journey that I wish I could step into the light upon its culmination, without seeing heaven.
Like the morning begins the day, there are always new things to be found to compensate on the things that one has dropped and lost. If it rolled under some bed, there’s always a way to get it out of there. If there are no other ways, then there are other opportunities.
In college, I dropped a five-unit Chemistry class to make more time for campus journalism.I end up blogging.
Not because of the magic, spells and encantations that I am having a re-run of a 12 year old flick, Practical Magic. For some unknown reason, I am not able to play Faith Hill’s “This Kiss” on my player and I just feel like listening to even just a sound clip of it. Hanging around for halfway the movie made me realize that it’s not just the song… I missed my all time favorite. I missed hanging around with two gorgeous witches – Sal and Jilly Bean…
Sally said that she wished to fall in love with a man who’s got one eye green and the other blue. Such a man is less likely to exist. What does a little country girl know about genetics, anyway? If that man does not exist, therefore, she will not fall in love and die of a broken heart.
Just like her, “I dream of a love that even time will lie down and be still for.”
Yet, there isn’t any safe side. Time will roll and the world will never stand still just to be a spectator to a love affair. If it did, then, time and the world has long stopped ticking and revolving. And so will love. - for it evolves with the world and it copes with changes. Just as I once loved only me, then him, then we.
And the most practical amongst the magic, is that: when I get tired of loving one day, there will be warm little embraces telling me, “Mommy, it’s gonna be okay.”
On my way home from my morning walk at the nearby “talipapa”, I have noticed a trail of chewed donut bits . Some friendly flies are starting to swarm over the goodies. It is another obstacle to stay out of their way. Steps ahead I saw the little boy leaving the trail with his mom who seems to be oblivious of his wasting of food. Tsk, tsk, tsk.
Ahhh…kids.
In less than 16 weeks, I will have mine. Anxiety is beginning to take its toll. Will childbirth be as laborious as I have heard from others? Or is it because I cannot impose discipline on a newborn? Or is this a prelude of PPD called pre-natal blues? Whatever it is, I need to blurt it out. Thank heavens I got a venture project for today – to try my luck in making my own Pancit Lucban. The control freak is taking over.
I got to change figures with my age once again. Adding up an age is something that one cannot assign to colleagues or subordinates. Uh-uh can’t run, much more can’t hide. Hmmmnn… I am not anxious about getting a year older, anyway. All of us will get there. Some just gets there sooner than the others, though. I have a full life ahead. Soon to complete my purpose of being a woman, I have never been excited in all my life. What I am as a person could partly be made know to the world in the kind of children I will bring up to this world.
Some family and friends have already sent out their birthday wishes and greetings that I have received and I thank them much for their thoughtfulness. I have realized the gifts that I have not in figures that or the places that I have been to, but with the hearts that still deem me a part of theirs in one way or another.
This is just another morning when the absence of a long coveted embrace is still missing. Hot pan de sal and great love songs will do. I have started yet another day. Just like the other days, this too will end in 24 hours.
Then, there is always tomorrow to look forward to.
